That hopeless girl in me-PART 2

Here's a sequel to my Hopeless girl...
well, actually its time to write a third part now but as of now, have this one...:)
its from the heart...it describes the real me.
the one who stays in the closet has come out n posed a question to herself this time..
here i go...:)

How can I let her free…..?

And once again, I’ve slammed the door shut.  Battered of loneliness but sealed with strong fear.. How can I dare it let open…

How can I let her free….?

Turning ‘bout with a heavy heart and walking away, I hear a song….. her song.. Lamenting inside, weeping and pleading to let her free..

Wrapped up in withered hopes I continue away…. And strangely the lament grows louder and stronger… fills my head and before I blink, blurs my vision and my eyes explode of tears…

Louder grows her lament..

Till it soaks my mind, my heart and takes over me… till it makes me wish I had an arm to clutch and a shoulder to weep on..

Louder it grows…

Till it breaks the door and she overpowers me..

But she can never..she cannot touch the doors I sealed with fears..my own fears.. strong and sharp.. rational and determined.. Parasitic existence of which keeps me safe… safe from the storms she’s vulnerable to.. better be safe in my closet full of fears..

How can I let her free….?

In that bloodbath of emotions… those emotions so well treasured by her..to be flung hard into a ruckus of uncertainty..  uncertainty that will hang in the air every time..

Every time she’ll hold his hand.. every time she’ll gaze into those eyes.. and every time she’ll reveal her heart to him..

How can I let her free….?

While the questions till dangle up my head… like a sword with glint of doubts.. sharp and determined. To pierce me as soon as I learn the answers.. Answers to the questions given birth by my fears.. hurled at me turn by turn…

It bodes ill that I let her free….

To sway with the thoughts…

To hold a hand which might disappear any moment..

To dive into the eyes ..gleaming probably of fake depth..

To believe every word said…which might’ve emerged of an empty heart.

Isn’t the echo obvious.. silly her, hopelessly in love. Might even scrape a piece of her heart t fix his.. or throw him a warm embrace not to see his face..doesn’t she notice his wicked smile..or the lies crawling up his back?

Silly her to think I’ll let her free…

-   -  -  -

Or is it just in my mind… could the wicked smile be nothing but just an equal flicker of affection..

Could his words be as true as the presence of stars at night..

Could those eyes be deep enough as to dive till eternity…

Could the warm grasp of his hand be as long as the warmth of her breath…

Could my fears be wrong after all.. May be the sword wont hurt at all… May be the questions could do without answers..

Why don’t I let her free….?

Her lament is still in the air.. changing hue to that of a hope melody..

Glad to see my fears crumble down to her hopeless positivity.. glad to smash the doors and emerge out.. to run in the open.. to plunge into his arms..to take her chances..

Dumbstruck, I watch her.. so hopelessly in love.. in love with the mere concept of being in love..

And I’ve let her free…..

I watch her dance about… so happy to reach out to him.. I watch her give away her hand into his.. I watch her walk away with him… I watch her ebbing away from me… I watch myself loosing her to him..

I watch myself falling for this mirage..how could I….?

Once, in the depth of past, had she come back from a storm… all alone.. cut and bruised.. with a bleeding core..How could I let it burn again…how could I let her go..

How could I let her free….?  

And just before she dissolves into the lengths.. I run..

I run to her..to snatch her back and take her away from his evil..

Drag her back to the doors…bury inside and lock tight.. leaving to her unrest… and keep lamenting for the best..and stride away.. ignoring the muffled lament once again..

This is the song of the hopeless girl in me….

How can I ever let her free….?