after long...

It happens that after a long time we do something that we used to do long ago..

It was years back when i found an eyelash, placed it on my wrist and wished for something...
and....after a really long time i did something like that today! n this time i meant whatever i wished..
it felt like i wished for something after a long time..

it is pleasant when you wish for something.. be it almost anything! If you give a little time to think and wish for  all that you want, it says that you are fine! that you look forward to a tomorrow, a day when that wish will come true..

i wish i keep wishing.. :)

The First Rain

May 18, 2012

Every time it rains I either enjoy its patter lying on my bed or admire it while looking through the window. But never I stepped out into that drizzle ...

Letting yourself soak in the rainfall is completely different from watching it from inside… It’s like being a part of that rainfall, watching the world through the drops… along the drops…

So today I let my feet accompany my gaze out of the door and drink the sight whole heartedly..

Once I stepped out and the cool drops hit my face, I wanted to get back inside. But then it struck me, ’lord it’s been years I’ve got wet willingly!’ So I thought of giving it a try… ‘Why not!!’

I moved ahead and looked at trees swaying joyously, the streets getting drenched lazily and the wind playing around happily… as if all of them missed the rain until today… and the rain obviously drew all of them together in an overwhelming embrace…

It poured all over and washed every bit of dirt away… the rain wanted to kiss everybody…

Amazed, I raised my hand to feel the pearls on my palm. And as I did so, the rain grasped my hand and pulled me in its endearing magnificence…

At first I was surprised by something which even I do not know, and just a moment later I realized that I am smiling… and another moment, I am grinning wide…

It occurred to me that I am smiling so happily after a long time! 

I’ll never know what it is in these rains that make me so happy.  As if the water seeps in through my clothes to soak my heart and my mind to render me afresh…

And then, drenched head to toe, I danced… I danced in the rain…

And it was my heart who sang the song…

Growing past Past....

There's a wonderful excerpt i'd like to share. i read this in a novel written by Paulo Coelho. one of my favorites! 
here it is, the author recalls.....


" Once an animal trainer had told him how he was able to keep his elephants under control. The animals , as infants, were bound by chains to a log. they would try to escape, but could not. They tried throughout their entire infancy, but the log was stronger than they were.
So they became accustomed to captivity. And when they were huge and strong, all the trainer had to do was place the chain around one of their legs and anchor it anywhere- even to a twig- and they would not attempt to escape. 
They were prisoners of their past."


i found this quite true and esoteric! 
yes,
It happens that difficulties much stronger than us engulf and tie us down at times.
The law of Universe is that time and man grow, but problems don't....
Being tied to difficulties and misfortune, after a while we grow somewhat equal to that problem. And continue to grow further. Then we become taller and stronger to those hurdles....
That, is the point when all we need to do is realize....


realize that the problem is much tinier now. that the chains that circled our necks and tied us down have already been snapped off by our overgrown nerves....


And ready are we! to kick off the hurdles sideways and leap ahead . Ahead to grow further! :)

Comforting Fact No. 2

So i guess its time for the second one!

Some years ago, whenever i felt kind of emotional, i used to wonder how unlucky i am..that i have to go through such a difficult time just because i think too much about almost everything...for hours,i used to sulk alone in my room and wonder what if i go mad like this... and after my pillow felt completely wet under the cheek, i used to sit upright and decide that i am going to be a total villain next time. i'll be the evil one who doesn't care much and stays stone cold to everything... that i wont cry and i would be the kind of person who doesn't share much and acts all solid! and that would fix everything...simple!

:) and here i am..writing a blog...see how things change...
actually they don't.... i still do these things. what changes, is the way we take it...

just out of the blue, the picture of a Rubik's cube came to my mind right now.  well isn't our life like a Rubik's cube!!! yeah it is! so many colors, so many ways to solve, complicated... and involving....changing...with hell lot of turns n twists...isn't it?
but there's a nice part to it...
the comforting one..that is,

" Whatever has to happen, will happen... isn't much in our hands...but, WILL HAPPEN FOR GOOD.. for sure! " :)

yeah that is the way i understood...i don't have to be the evil one to fix things...they'll just get fixed!!

i'd love to share one experience.
now i don't remember the date but i guess it was in mid August this year, i was sitting on the side of my bed and staring into the bed-sheet... staring with glazed eyes completely lost in my thoughts...
sigh...that time was bad... just too bad...
sitting motionless and expressionless...

i'll never know what made me look up at the door.. my father stood there looking at me.
i gave him a quick look, avoiding eye contact. but he spoke out.

spoke out the words i believe in the most! the words everyone should believe in..
n he said-
"don't worry dear. just believe in the fact that whatever will happen, will be good and the best for you."

i don't know what made him say that then...but am thankful. :)
its comforting and wonderful.. i think the best way to solve our Rubik's cube!!

and after all.. the Rubik's cube looks nice and colorful even when unsolved....

just a beautiful collection of experiences, smiles and tears...memories of past and hopes for future is my Rubik's cube all about!! :)

comforting ain't it?! :)

Comforting Facts

These days I've been thinking of jotting down a couple of comforting facts whichever comes to my mind.
you see, its all about being comfortable!
from clothes to people..we choose those whom we're comfy with!
(you can consider it as sign of falling in love as well! but later on that!!) :D
so... coming back to my 'list' of comforting facts and thoughts,

the first one that'd hop right now in my mind has to be this:
" Whatever may happen, believe me the clock's ticking! "
ye waqt gujar jaayega as they say in Hindi.... i personally found these words hell lot comforting and assuring during difficult times.
its hard to believe when you're standing in the dark but it does happen. time is moving ahead continuously and whatever problem or bad things you have right now are going to fade away with time...
time is like a river.... running playfully, gliding over the grass and rocks smoothly...
sweeping away all the broken twigs and leaves, sad memories and hurts ...
washing away the mud and dirt, the tears and wounds....
it does and does it swiftly...
you wont know and time has it healed for good!
so believe this and feel comforted,
" the clock is ticking!! tic tic!!"

fact no. 2 coming soon!
tada!
(its all about being comfortable...so chill ;) )

Facebook asks me "What's On your Mind?"!

Facebook keeps asking me what's on my mind. every time i log on to it, it asks me...
what do i tell it?
That i myself cannot really read what's on my mind..?
Or i should tell it that my studies are almost forgotten..Or the undone presentation, Or the pile of projects I've undertaken suddenly?? Or my back ache? Or fear of falling ill...?
Or maybe i could recite my bitter fight with my best bud.. adding to it that i keep thinking what the heck went wrong from my side... whether someone's smiles n tears are less than a petty fight's reason?

what do i tell it?
That the memories are not ready to fly off....?that they keep coming n scream in my head..telling me what a huge fool i was not to expect sadness ahead...

Should i tell it how i stand up after crying and assure myself that pleasant is gonna come soon....?

Maybe i could explain it how it feels when your best mate abuses you n cuts the call never to pick up again...
No apologies come even when u don't expect them to...
:(
OR...
Or i will show it my sincerest faith i have been holding up till date to hear the sweet words again... to check my inbox to find an expected text... to find myself hitting the call button with the same excitement... to wait for the sound of a sweet "hello"...speak back n narrate all my mind and to realize being listened carefully...
faith to live the beautiful moments again...to make sweet syrupy memories again...

the faith keeps me happy for the moment at least...:)
but yeah...its the magic i want to believe in...

believe in the fact that smiles are more than frowns... patching up is more than any fight... forgiveness is above all anger...and friends are way above ego...
believe that the background fact is always n always love....!


for my friend, you WILL realize n BE HAPPY always...i'll pray! 

and for facebook.. thanks! keep asking me what's on my mind!!

Morning Activity

-          Dedicated to my late grandmother…Pusad chi Aajji…

(In (Marathi language, we call out to our grandmoms as Ajji and here, Pusad refers to a place where mine used to live!)

(

She had her back towards me. I could hear my voice calling out to her. I called her again and she turned to face me. The next blink, I had my arms wrapped around her. She hugged me back tight and I told her how much I love her and miss her. She gratefully accepted all of it and let her softness absorb all my tears…

I knew that wasn’t real. I never could confess my love to her in her life. And now, she’s gone… never to come back to hear what I have to say…

But even then, I dream of her. In my dreams, I hug her and tell her how much I love her and welcome the sun every morning with teary eyes and a wet pillow…

Thinking that the sunlight is too evil to strip my wet face out to everyone else…  And drawing a cover over my face, I lay awake… recall the dream over and over. In a weird way, I relish the wet beads sliding down my cheek.

I decide to shed all of them one by one, kept in store for solitary moments like these…

I recall how I breathed dry-eyed as she lost her life just before my eyes. Her green iris loosing the glint of life and her and her warm presence vaporizing into thin wasps of memories…

Drop by drop, I have plenty of them, tears even more than her wrinkles…

Pushing away the covers I get up and sit back, look around the sun bathed room and the outstretched sky out of the window. I smile, throw a dry giggle at the moronic thought that strikes me.

A crazy thought to scribble a note and crumble the paper and throw it up to her. Up in the sky, beyond the sun yeah that high. Shamelessly grin and think of insulting Newton. 

And here I grab a pen and paper right away to remember her in this lovely way…

To,

Aajji…Pusad chi Aajji..

I love you and I have always loved you.

When you were  in this world, besides me, I thought I loved you for mothering my Father.

But now that you’re gone, to some unknown place I can’t dream of, I realize that I loved you for who you were. I loved you for being my grandmother.

For every little orange toffee you gave me when you visited us.

For every charming smile you greeted me with…

For every time I watched you make your hair and also for all those silvers scattered around in my room…

And grandma, for every warm hug you blessed me with

And for each time you called me “pisabai’…(J)

I loved you so much grandma and I loved you for being a part of my life…

And I’ll always love you for being a part of my memories…

Even though I don’t find your silver strands lying around in my room anymore, I remember the brown comb that ran through your silk…

Even though I will never be able to rest my head in your lap again, I remember the softness and warmth of it…

Even though Aajji, I would never witness your amazing smile again, a whiff of sweet memories runs past me every time I recall it…

Aajji, even though I have seen you die in front of my eyes….

I still watch you breathing in my dreams…

-          Tujhi Manshi…J 

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